This weekend I had the overwhelming desire to love someone. I’m not talking all the warm and fuzzy feelings or the roses and candlelight; I’m talking about the nitty-gritty and the routine. The commitment. I wanted to brush away tears and hug the pain away, or cuddle on the couch while watching TV simply because we like being close to one another. There are a lot of “if”s, “then”s, “but”s, and “how”s that I’m sure you could come up with, but just hear me out.
I handled this desire the stupid way: I let it all build up. And finally, somewhere between studying solvency ratios and decreasing trends of fertility (bleh, I have a Consumer Economics test tomorrow), I broke. I overflowed with all the hopes, desires, facts, probabilities… it was a lot. But my “brother” D.J. mentioned something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Sometimes, it’s better to not love someone.”
Woah, woah, woah, what?! You must be totally taken aback right now, seeing as how everything about Christ supports love as the greatest commandment (I Corinthians 13:13). But that’s not what DJ was talking about.
At times, I am tempted to pour all of my emotions and hopes into a relationship without the other person’s commitment. And then, when reality slaps me across my face with a crisp “Good morning, sunshine,” I am thrown off guard. I am stunned. I am confused.
So I guess the moral of my story is to learn when to have self-control over my feelings and desires. I fully believe that loving someone as a friend and bearing their burdens is fully acceptable and even required of us as siblings in Christ. Just look at Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” However, when attraction and a possible romantic relationship are introduced into the equation, it’s probably best to keep a safe distance.
Our emotions, our desire to commit ourselves to another person, and our willingness to glorify Christ within a lifetime marriage are all gifts. I don’t think they should be taken lightly, and I don’t want to give my heart away a thousand times before I offer it to my husband.
Personally, I won’t allow myself to seriously consider entering a like-minded relationship with someone unless he pursues me first. (Want to know more of what “pursuing” looks like? Click here). I’d like him to value me enough to consider the fragility of my heart and not expect me to take the leadership role in a relationship.
Granted, not every “Will you…?” will be answered with a “Yes.” But I’d like to think that God has an eye on those things. He has His eye on all of my other needs (Matthew 6:26), and He knows how to give good gifts (Matthew 7:11), so I trust Him. This is a fact. He is God, He knows all, and so there is no better place for my hopes to rest.
In Psalm 139: 17-18, the king and psalmist David wrote,
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them,
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I am awake, I am still with you.
If my Abba (Hebrew for “Father”) can have beautiful, innumerable thoughts about me, I have no doubt that He can give my earthly spiritual partner, my husband, the same thoughts. He can show this man what He sees in me and, likewise, put a special vision in my soul to see and call out the beautiful qualities in my husband.
So, romantically speaking, I’m going to try to have the courage not to love right now. I will wait until the timing is right, and until Abba gives me those “sandy thoughts” for the right guy. And though I may feel ready to work at love, all of the pieces of the puzzle haven’t fallen into place yet…
But even the amazing-ness of that yearned-for picture will not compare to the constant glory of Christ. And He is with me, now.
So I lack nothing.
Check Out These Other Posts on Relationships!!